Monday, August 24, 2009

Circling inside a square box

I cannot live here.
Only exist.

I used to jump impatiently inside these 4 hard walls. I used to think that if I kicked and screamed loud enough the walls would vanish, melt away like sugar and reveal a life that I can live.

They never did.
And my voice grew hoarse, my legs began to ache, and my head began to hurt. Now I stroll around, making circles inside this empty box. Snagging at worn threads on old t-shirts, pulling off buttons from tattered button-downs. Gripping, holding onto a cigarette, watching the smoke twirl away to freedom, to some place I can't go.

But sometimes when I'm tired and staring at the ceiling, I can close my eyes and the stark white ceiling, the lid to this container becomes a transparent veil and it disappears. I can see the blue sky and feel the shade from the trees and taste the breeze that smells like long car rides in the summer. And for a second it seems as though I can stretch my arm out in front of me and grab with blind fingers that heart-shaped cloud that's floating past.

But the Earth spins too fast, time is such a thief, and before I can move an inch, the sky is gone and the box is re-sealed.

The curtain of my eyelids return and I am waiting, wafting in circles, once more.

1 comment:

  1. the world changes around us, faster than we can know, and the time passing is an illusion of the fourth dimension. the concept of time exists only in the minds of those confined in it. i try to live a step outside the fourth dimension. time passes over my body, but i live as if it has no effect on my mind... i like your blog, very deep. :)
    pce-love-Liv

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