Tuesday, September 22, 2009

This is my attempt at optimism

(via) from Tumblr
Hello, Fall.
Hope you don't suck.


It was impossibly hot. Hot in a way that it made me feel stupid for wearing warm clothes on the first day of fall. I got to thinking about all of my self-destructive tendencies and how sometimes I feel like I'm wading through a dried up lake full of wreckage. I saw the quote "To create is to destroy" written at the top of an index card. I understood. I'm destructive. I like to pick up the ruins and create things, things that I need to breathe easier and somewhere along the way, I start to think that maybe if it helps me, it can help other people too. Then there's nothing left for me to do but destroy all the things that litter my insides bit by bit, tear down the walls encircling me and make something good from the bad. Or at least I try to do that. Nothing ever make any sense but when I'm writing I understand things. But since I can't write all the time, I get lost a lot, the bad piles up on top of me and I feel like I'm going to suffocate and end up lonely and sad and rolling around in ruins and wreckage for the rest of my life. So I'm learning to trace the words on invisible sheets of paper inside my head and remember to always create and destroy the bad a little at a time.


3 comments:

  1. Hello there...
    I just thought you should know that I really love your blog and your words.
    Thank you for the lovely posts.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are so amazing! Hugs from me to you!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Again, I love how you write and I admire you for being able to express your feelings with words so well.
    About the post, all I have to say is: Is not that there isn't any bad out there, it's just that I choose to look the other way...

    ReplyDelete

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