I wish I could go back to that day and relive it once.
That one day when the rain was falling in chilling little slits of sleet and freezing the sidewalks into sheets of ice. I was sliding through town in electric blue pumps and a black chiffon dress. It was my birthday. I was happy and alive and well. We were eating ice cream like it was summertime, window shopping at department stores we couldn't afford, sitting in warm cars with nice seats, listening to music from brand new earphones still crisp from the morning of Happy Birthday cards.
The "I'll see you later" and "I'll call you soon" still ring in my ear and fade out like the season of forgotten pumps left in the backseat. Who could have known that they would end up on my front porch just a few weeks later, a folded note left under the sole, the words 'Are you ok?' in large letters printed in the top margin? It was goodbye. But who could have known that it was the last dance, the swan song, the curtain call, closing night?
It was nothing at the moment, just another birthday ticked off the list, one year down, a few left to go, another exhausted body falling into pillows, slamming doors, a flickering tv screen at 1 am.
"Leave me alone, I'm fine".
It was everything now. It's the closed door at the end of the hallway, the one that shut off all the light, the starting point of an endless wait for another door to emerge.