Random Thoughts: May 20th 2008

I kept thinking about how dark it was when I left my exam. The sky was purple velvet and somehow the shadows of the trees replaced the trees themselves. I was walking, hearing nothing but wind and leaves. It was only 5 something but it was so dark that I thought it was later.

The whispers of the trees swept away with the wind, curled around my ears and every few moments I'd heard the footsteps of my name somewhere creeping alongside me on the grass like a hidden secret. I'd stop, startled by the flickering movement of my own scarf and the sight of my double silhouette plastered upon the asphalt.
There was nothing to be afraid of.
I had only mistaken day for night and my own shadow for someone else's.
Everything was fine.

I was walking from my history exam. I felt lost like I had just walked into a room with unbound urgency only to find that I couldn't remember why I was there or what I needed. I couldn't even say why I walking alone, only that I had spent the last 3 hours lost in my own thoughts, staring at the worn blue of my iPod case, coiling and uncoiling my earphones around my hand. When the bell rang, I blindly rushed out. I didn't feel like talking, I did not want to entertain. I was in a hurry to leave.

It was the final week of school, the end of every day felt like an infinite goodbye. I walked out of school like I would never see it again, back turned, head down, eyes averted from any familiar faces. I couldn't tell you why everyday felt like the end but it did. The glue that had once bound me here was now wearing away, instead of holding me in place forever as promised, it had dried and now I was peeling off like a pressed leaf and slowly crumbling into dust.
I don't know what to do.