Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Maybe

Ghosts.
Empty footprints of where I have walked.
Phantom outlines of where I stood in smiling photos surrounded by people I used to know.
That was me.
I used to be her.
The broken pieces still lay abandoned on the floor, I remember, I know how, I could glue them back together. But an extended arm and five stretching fingers later, my hand jumps away quickly, retracts from that invisible fence my mind installed months ago.

I miss her, that person I used to be. People liked her and now it's just lonely.
My thoughts run around in flurries on days like these when I wonder in vain if anyone else misses her, too.
But I know better.
They can't miss her when they don't even realize that she's gone.

It's ok.
"Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be."
--Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City

I'm trying to believe in that and I'm trying really, really hard to let go.

6 comments:

  1. That instantly made me think of my past and how I use to have an abundance of friends. Its interesting how in the process of you become who you are suppose to be friends seem to gradually disappear. And all you have left is this ghost like memory of how things use to be...like foots prints as stated above.

    I really like the quote and I believe that is true.

    I know I let go of who i used to be and started to embrace who I am now.
    -kinsey

    PS: what was your old blog?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh so true.

    I like to think that's a realization we all come to. I think we try to be who we think we want to be, or who people accept us as. But you have to be who you are. And develop organically rather than force yourself into little box shaped adjectives.

    Really being who you are and KNOWING who you are is beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This post is full of such truth.
    I know exactly the feelings you are talking about....and that quote puts it just right.

    ReplyDelete
  4. People always say that lonliness is a shame, a shame that we can not show other people.

    We force ourselves to join other people's groups, to be friends with them ,the only reason is that we do not want to be abadoned ,we do not want to be isolated ,we hope there are always some people that notice us, to be with us ,we want to have friends, even if those people are far away from the kinda people we want.
    It's very tiring. Someday we realize they are not real friends and we do not want to pretend anymore, then we become alone.This is what happened to me.



    But I belive there are always some people out there that wait for you ,and they are people who have a similar mind to you ,maybe they dont live close to you , but they exist ,and they are always with you. So you are not alone.

    I always believe the real loneliness is not being alone. It is being with so many people, but not being understood by any of them. So dear dont get frustrated because of the "friends" you lost ,the real friends are somewhere waiting for you, and they will always be with you, listen to you and understand you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. i know this feeling completely.
    two years on and i still feel like a piece of me is missing, but somehow i am so much bigger than i was back then.
    time doesnt heal, but it makes it hurt less..

    by the way,
    thankyou for finding me and reading

    ReplyDelete
  6. A poem I think you'll like. Personally, I totally dig it.
    by Lucille Clifton

    i am running into a new year
    and the old years blow back
    like a wind
    that i catch in my hair
    like strong fingers like
    all my old promises and
    it will be hard to let go
    of what i said to myself
    about myself
    when i was sixteen and
    twenty-six and thirty-six
    even thirty-six but
    i am running into a new year
    and i beg what i love and
    i leave to forgive me

    from Good Woman: Poems and a Memoir 1969-1980

    ReplyDelete

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