Time flies

"How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?"
-Dr. Seuss

On the 365th day, how do you say goodbye?

Today

I'm a year older.
I'll walk in the middle of the square and stand still for moment, thinking about how 365 days ago I was standing in this exact same spot.
That day feels so far away. The ones in between seem weightless. Still I remember living them as though they were incapacitating burdens that I would never shake off. I can't say when they gradually shifted into lightweight puffs of hours, minutes, and seconds and I can't remember when the days began to float off on currents of air.
But they did.
And today, here I am, a year older.

Writing Tuesday

originally seen here; image by jasfitz

Monday

as seen on don't forget to fly

Random Thoughts: May 20th 2008

I kept thinking about how dark it was when I left my exam. The sky was purple velvet and somehow the shadows of the trees replaced the trees themselves. I was walking, hearing nothing but wind and leaves. It was only 5 something but it was so dark that I thought it was later.

The whispers of the trees swept away with the wind, curled around my ears and every few moments I'd heard the footsteps of my name somewhere creeping alongside me on the grass like a hidden secret. I'd stop, startled by the flickering movement of my own scarf and the sight of my double silhouette plastered upon the asphalt.
There was nothing to be afraid of.
I had only mistaken day for night and my own shadow for someone else's.
Everything was fine.

I was walking from my history exam. I felt lost like I had just walked into a room with unbound urgency only to find that I couldn't remember why I was there or what I needed. I couldn't even say why I walking alone, only that I had spent the last 3 hours lost in my own thoughts, staring at the worn blue of my iPod case, coiling and uncoiling my earphones around my hand. When the bell rang, I blindly rushed out. I didn't feel like talking, I did not want to entertain. I was in a hurry to leave.

It was the final week of school, the end of every day felt like an infinite goodbye. I walked out of school like I would never see it again, back turned, head down, eyes averted from any familiar faces. I couldn't tell you why everyday felt like the end but it did. The glue that had once bound me here was now wearing away, instead of holding me in place forever as promised, it had dried and now I was peeling off like a pressed leaf and slowly crumbling into dust.
I don't know what to do.

Feel too much

as seen here; image by loveyourchaos © All rights reserved.

Used to be

"It all comes back. Perhaps it is difficult to see the value in having one's self back in that kind of mood, but I do see it: I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be whether we find them to attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind's door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were. I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be..."
-Joan Didion from her essay, On Keeping a Notebook

Tagged

So I was tagged by Tia from Tia in the Sky
THE TASK:

fill in 12 likes, 1 love and 8 hates like Cassie in her therapy video. Below, the bolded things are what you must include. Also, please link it back to the person who tagged you then link it onto 3 other blogs you admire!

Abracadabra, Wow!
I like boys with nice voices/accents and girls with knowledge.
I like watching movies until I know all the lines.
I like finishing a book in one day.
I like long car rides.
I like memorizing quotes and poems.
I like looking at people and wondering about their stories.
I love sleeping in the afternoon and waking up around midnight.
Today I am a little confused.

In some ways, I love everything.
Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular
I like things that I like but I love everything
There’s more choice in like
Cos even the worst things have things you love in them
I don’t know what you mean about things I hate
I hate wet socks.

I hate when DVDs skip around.

I hate being lonely/isolated.
I hate when people repeat themselves.
I hate dictatorship.

I hate when it's really hot and humid but in a way, that's because it reminds me of summer 2 years ago

I hate it when I'm eating something and it has a gross aftertaste
I hate feeling confused.
I hate this, wow. . .
Sorry.

I.heart.Cassie.

I don't know who to tag so I tag the first three people to leave a comment on this post.

I always stop and it always comes back

I wish I could go back to that day and relive it once.

That one day when the rain was falling in chilling little slits of sleet and freezing the sidewalks into sheets of ice. I was sliding through town in electric blue pumps and a black chiffon dress. It was my birthday. I was happy and alive and well. We were eating ice cream like it was summertime, window shopping at department stores we couldn't afford, sitting in warm cars with nice seats, listening to music from brand new earphones still crisp from the morning of Happy Birthday cards.

The "I'll see you later" and "I'll call you soon" still ring in my ear and fade out like the season of forgotten pumps left in the backseat. Who could have known that they would end up on my front porch just a few weeks later, a folded note left under the sole, the words 'Are you ok?' in large letters printed in the top margin? It was goodbye. But who could have known that it was the last dance, the swan song, the curtain call, closing night?

It was nothing at the moment, just another birthday ticked off the list, one year down, a few left to go, another exhausted body falling into pillows, slamming doors, a flickering tv screen at 1 am.

"Leave me alone, I'm fine".

It was everything now. It's the closed door at the end of the hallway, the one that shut off all the light, the starting point of an endless wait for another door to emerge.

You're stronger than you think

image by mariamaria0101 as seen on photobucket

It's a new month, embrace it.