How you said that I never fit in anywhere and that I don’t even make an effort to fit in. And how I said that trying was bad, because it meant changing and manipulating who I was to fill a spot that didn’t belong to me. And how you shook your head and laughed that fake laugh and said, “What do you mean? That’s the silliest thing I've ever heard.” And you kept talking even though I stood there saying, “What do you mean, what do I mean?” over and over but you didn't hear me or acknowledge that I was talking at all. And how you kept laughing like it was a joke and you were waiting for me to join in, nod my head and agree.
And then I did. I said, “Yeah, you're right. That is silly.”
But it was more sad than silly because I was lonely and the truth meant being on the outside and telling lies meant belonging. But I still hoped that I never tried to fit in again because I’ve seen what can happen, how I just end up standing around, laughing that fake laugh, agreeing on the outside, crying on the inside.