Nothing to say

(via) by ohsahara
quote from Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult

I really don't mind

"If being crazy means living life as if it matters, then I don't mind being completely insane."
--quote from the film Revolutionary Road (2008)

It's still the same story

I could be anyone. But I really want to be me. I am the unfortunate home to a parasitic disease. The part of me that's been ripped at the seams, the spaces where the disease spread like weeds has been clumsily patched back together, wrapped up in shiny paper and tied with a bow.

I could be anyone.

And so today, I'm that person with the stitches on my insides who pretends, goes on ignoring it like it'll all just heal, who believes that the clock will rewind and soon it will be like it never even happened. But really I just want that part of me to die, self-destruct, combust into tiny little pieces that fill the closed hand that's hanging out of the half-opened window and take off in flight as my fingers open.

-originally written by me on November 12th 2009-

The bridge is love

"But soon we shall die and all memory of those five will have left earth, and we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."
— excerpt from the novel The Bridge of San Luis Rey by Thornton Wilder

I'm so happy

The fabulous Jennifer, from I know, right?, just gave me the Happy Award. Thanks, Jennifer. You're the best. I'm glad we're friends.

I'm beyond happy right now. I started this blog on a whim after an intense summer. I needed some place that I could make my own, full of all my foreboding. Needless to say, I never thought that it would turn into a place for my reflection and inspirations. I was surprised but I'm glad that my blog brings smiles and happiness. :)

The rules for this award are:

1. List 10 things that make you happy.
2. List 10 bloggers that brighten your day.

Ten things that make me happy:
1. The blogosphere community
2. Beautiful photography
3. Long rides on public transportation
4. Delicious food
5. Anthony Bourdain
6. Used book stores
7. Heavy snow storms
8. Rain showers in the Spring
9. Movies with stunning cinematography
10. Silent conversations, speaking without saying a word

And ten blogs that brighten my day to receive this award:
1. ready to glow?
2. The Teastained Page
3. tree castles
4. Endless Rain
5. lace and cake
6. Your Taunting Smirk Behind the Glass
7. Tia in the Sky
8. Miss Erin
9. restless hearts
10. A Temporary Dive

Recently Purchased Books: Part I

Orlando by Virginia Woolfe
'Tis by Frank McCourt
Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
The Autobiography of Alice B. Toklas by Gertrude Stein
Moments of Being by Virginia Woolfe
The Portrait of a Lady by Henry James
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Sophie's World by Jostein Gaardner
She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb
All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
Ten Great Mysteries by Edgar Allan Poe

Lived for the future

"Did you know that for pretty much the entire history of the human species, the average life span was less than thirty years? You could count on ten years or so of real adulthood, right? There was no planning for retirement, There was no planning for a career. There was no planning. No time for planning. No time for a future. But then the life spans started getting longer, and people started having more and more future. And now life has become the future. Every moment of your life is lived for the future—you go to high school so you can go to college so you can get a good job so you can get a nice house so you can afford to send your kids to college so they can get a good job so they can get a nice house so they can afford to send their kids to college."
—excerpt from the novel Paper Towns by John Green

Myers-Briggs Type: INFP

The polite, reserved exterior of INFPs can at first make them difficult to get to know. They enjoy conversation, however, taking particular delight in the unusual. When INFPs are in a sociable mood, their humor and charm shine through. Disposed to like people and to avoid conflict, INFPs tend to make pleasant company.

Devoted to those in their inner circle, INFPs guard the emotional well-being of others, consoling those in distress. Guided by their desire for harmony, INFPs prefer to be flexible unless their ethics are violated. Then, they become passionate advocates for their beliefs. They are often able to sway the opinions of others through tact, diplomacy, and an ability to see varying sides of an issue.

INFPs develop these insights through reflection, and they require substantial time alone to ponder and process new information. While they can be quite patient with complex material, they are generally bored by routine. Though not always organized, INFPs are meticulous about things they value. Perfectionists, they may have trouble completing a task because it cannot meet their high standards. They may even go back to a completed project after the deadline so they can improve it.

INFPs are creative types and often have a gift for language. As introverts, they may prefer to
express themselves through writing. Their dominant Feeling drives their desire to
communicate, while their auxiliary intuition supplies the imagination. Having a talent for symbolism, they enjoy metaphors and similes. They continually seek new ideas and adapt well to change. They prefer working in an environment that values these gifts and allows them to make a positive difference in the world, according to their personal beliefs.

(via here)

Questions

First day back, stacks of paper sticking out of 3 subject notebooks.
Watching the snow fall like dust while trying to write poetry on crinkled paper.
A swipe of the thumb, hastily stuffing the words out of sight, the pencil marks smear.

5 minutes later and the white paper is the color of dingy light bulbs about to burn out, now spattered with soggy dots of melting snowflakes.

Question marks.

How long can you stare at a page? How long will it take for the answer to crawl out? Where is the answer? How long is a minute, an hour, a second? The space in between hello and goodbye? Does it matter? Can you tell the difference when you're walking out the door, blinking blindly, feeling like you can't figure out where you're going and you have to keep walking because if you don't, you'll never end up anywhere?

-written by me on January 5th, 2010-

It's not Christmas

but I just fell in love with this song.

twenty-five years old and a bachelor's degree
your parents helped out with graduation fees
the loans were never enough
the credit cards are calling your bluff, fold your hand, cut them up, move away
or you'll be payin' them off till your kids grow old
and they'll do the same
there's no more runnin' water
wrappin' presents in the dark
move into your car
change where you park
—lyrics from Xmas Cake by Rilo Kiley

One a day

"At least I’ve learned this much:
Life doesn’t have to be
all poetry and roses. Life
can be bus rides, gritty sidewalks,
electric bills, dishwashing,
chapped lips, dull stubby pencils
with the erasers chewed off,
cheap radios played too loud,
the rank smell of stale coffee
yet still glow
with the inner fire of an opal,
still taste like honey."
— Julie Alger (1927 - 1994)

Happy New Year

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.
-- Neil Gaiman